Helen is an experienced specialist in guided meditation and coaching adults with ADHD.
In 2001 I was married with 3 young children and a trainee teacher when my then husband went to work abroad for 6 months.
One day it occurred to me I was happier when he wasn’t there. I had doubts before I married – who doesn’t? I’d been brought up a ‘good girl’ so I had been afraid to call off the wedding. What people would think of me? He had a good job and was popular – rationally I could find no reason.
Once we married he changed overnight. He was verbally abusive and very controlling. Over the next 15 years my confidence was gradually eroded. I trod on eggshells so I wouldn’t trigger his volatile temper. Invariably it didn’t work.
I was ashamed to tell anyone about the reality of my marriage. I was well educated and intelligent, I didn’t want people thinking I was weak. All I could think of doing was to pray. I prayed for strength. Gradually it came.
A few months later my car was stolen. The police gave me a leaflet from Victim Support which had a section about domestic abuse and these 8 words:
YOU DON’T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS!
‘No I don’t,’ I thought and went to see a solicitor the next day.
The separation wasn’t easy. It took another year. I was so relieved to be out of it I never considered seeking support. I thought life would be rosy from now on.
I embarked on a teaching career where I struggled in silence. I was bullied. Despite having excellent subject knowledge I found it difficult to control a class, found planning a nightmare but I was afraid to ask for help in case I was seen as not being up to the job. I felt like a fraud.
I left after 3 years. I couldn’t face another year stuck in the same classroom, looking out at a brick wall, teaching the same curriculum where every lesson was planned in advance. I felt fenced in. My creativity was being stifled and it went against my values.
In 2003 I was diagnosed with coeliac disease. In 2005 I started a business selling gluten free food.
Out networking I met a couple who organised spiritual tours. One evening they ran a taster session where we did meditation, chanting and dancing. The following morning I felt a calm like I’d never known before despite my 3 sons running around creating havoc as usual. I knew I needed more of this!
The book that changed my life:
I received a free copy of ‘Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway’ with a magazine. We were never taught to think this way at school or in my teacher training. I realised anything was possible!
I joined a meditation class run by very experienced Buddhist teachers. There were no apps back then. Shortly afterwards my eldest son climbed out of his bedroom window one evening. I didn’t see him again for 6 months. He had been stealing from me and his brothers and had been advised to leave college before he was kicked out. His drinking was getting out of hand and he tested positive for drugs. I was rushing around trying to get him into recovery programmes and helping him out.
2 years later he went to prison and I discovered he was taking heroin. Exhausted, I reached out and found a support group for families of addicts. They taught me the importance of self care. I couldn’t make my son change unless he wanted to so it was pointless running myself into the ground.
In the crash of 2008 I lost a lot of money in my business, got heavily into debt and was diagnosed with depression. I closed my business, sold my house and followed my dream of moving to the countryside.
I went on my first retreat in 2009. Since 2011 I’ve volunteered as a cook at a retreat centre. I spend about 6 weeks there each year and hang out with the best Buddhist meditation teachers.
I returned to teaching while I decided what I was going to do next. My experience this time was very different as I had effective tools to manage my stress levels. I wondered why on earth I hadn’t been taught this stuff in my teacher training. I qualified as a coach with the intention of helping other teachers.
However my problems weren’t over by a long chalk! In 2014 my ex husband died unexpectedly aged 51 and my eldest son went to prison again. All the pain I’d suppressed resurfaced. I was so emotionally fragile from trying to hold everything together I broke down. I knew I needed to heal or it would come back later. I felt ashamed because of all the personal development work I’ve done that has taken me to places as diverse as Eswatini and San Diego. I should be able to do this!
Fortunately, because of my training, I had tools to go within, do some self-enquiry and discover why all this was happening to me. I realised the abuse was still subconsciously affecting me. I delved even deeper to discover how my childhood conditioning had led me into that marriage in the first place.
As you go on a journey of personal and spiritual growth there is always more to discover about yourself. In 2021 I read Gabor Maté’s book Scattered Minds and had another light bulb moment! Did I have ADHD? Was that why I had never managed to have a consistently successful career despite showing a lot of promise when I was at school? I took a break from what I was doing to heal, practise self care and process my life. I received an official diagnosis in 2022 at the ripe old age of 58. Now I understood more about how my brain worked – very creative with an abundance of ideas but difficulty following through. However there had been one consistency in my life since 2005 – meditation.
I now use what I’ve learned to help others. I talk about my struggles openly, not to gain sympathy but to show whatever life throws at you happiness is an inside job. Although what happened wasn’t my fault, healing is my responsibility. It takes great courage, isn’t always easy but I see the positive effects in my life and on those around me. My eldest son has now been in recovery since 2020 and my youngest, who I feared would turn out like his father when he was a teenager, does yoga, has a very successful business and he’s only 26!
I use my own unique blend of coaching, mindfulness, intuitive and spiritual powers and EFT – a powerful tool that releases stuck emotions. I can’t wait to help you heal from your past so you can become the amazing person you are meant to be.
By the end of working with me you will have more time to do the things you love, have a clear vision on what that is and improve your relationships with your loved ones by creating healthy boundaries for yourself. I will support you in overcoming procrastination and getting started to achieve your potential and actually following through on what you start.
You will be healthier, more confident and relaxed – in other words a completely new person!